A glimps of the future
by Innoxa23
Summary: What if will happen if Jane finally finds Red John?
1. Chapter 1

I wanted to write a fanfiction that more people can understand. Espacially since I found so many great authors here and I really would like to here their opinion about my style. So I tried one in English. Please be gentle with me. This is my first story in English. I hope you like it nevertheless and I get a chance of some more reviews than to my first story.

And then they had him. Red John mad a mistake. He new it would happen sometime. This was what he had been waiting for all these Years.

Red John killed a woman and fled the scene. But in his effort to torment Jane, giving him a clue that would lead him to the woman just a little bit too late, he underestimated the crime lab in Sacramento.

Yes Jane was on the right track. He would have followed the lead, he would have picked up on the next hint and he would have been too late just as he planned him to be. But it wasn't just Jane hunting him. Lisbon called in a favour and managed to get the piece of paper Red John left them at the top of the list of things to analyse at the crime lab. And so they found the slight print where the newspaper had left some of it's ink like newspapers so often do. They managed to read it. And once they new in which region Red John was hiding it was easy for Jane to put the pieces together and pinpoint a location.

So here it was. His big chance. Lisbon wouldn't let him interfere. He new he had to outrun her. So he excused himself, pretending to follow the hint they just got, not telling them that he had already figured it out. He sped up the driveway towards his house. He ran through the door, which had always been unlocked ever since the day his world ended. What was there to steal really? He ripped open the cupboard and shoved clothe out of his way, never realising that he was creating a mess around him. There it was. He bought it right after he was allowed out of the psychiatry. He really had now idea what kind of a gun it was. He knew he had to put in a clip of ammunition, pull the safety and then the trigger. He had practiced his aim before and he was certain he could hit something if it wasn't moving too fast even though he could not guarantee to hit let's say only a leg. But what difference did it make. He didn't care how many times he had to shoot him as long as he was able to see him die.

He was about to check whether he had enough bullets in the magazine as he heard the voice.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Jane jumped up dropping the gun in the process and turned around hastily. There was a woman in the doorway. She was leaning against the wall. Her arms were locked in front of her body. She was dressed in Jeans and a black Blazer over a simple white T-Shirt. Her hair, pinned up in a messy pony tail, was of a light brown with some blond strands in it. She looked oddly relaxed standing there watching a stranger in his own house searching like mad for a gun.

Jane was stunned into silence. It took him a minute to regain his composure.

"May I ask who you are and what you are doing in my house?" he asked after he managed to overcome the initial shock of being discovered while planning a murder. After all how could she possibly know that.

"You may. But I am afraid I cannot answer your first question. As to the second … Well as I said. I came to ask you whether you were sure."

"Sure of what?"

"That you want to do this."

Had he been in a better state, Jane would have found a clever way to react this unusual situation. He would have started a conversation over which he would have been able to tell what this strange woman really wanted from him. Why this cryptic remarks. He would have concluded that she couldn't possibly know about the situation he found himself in at the moment. After all he just found out for himself that he would kill Red John today. She couldn't, could she?

But he wasn't in a better state. He was in a hurry, determined, on his way to catch and end Red John.

"I don't want to do anything. Now if you could pleas leave my house."

The woman left her position at the doorway and came closer. As she moved toward the light that filtered through the curtains he could see that she was beautiful. Not that he had any sense for noticing it.

"I am here to offer you advice. Don't go there! Don't kill him! This is no longer your war to fight."

"Do you know Red John?" Jane demanded to know.

"Well you could say that. More important I know you. And I know what will happen if you insist in going after him today.

Tell the police what you know. Tell your friends where to find him. They will deal with it. You shouldn't go!"

Jane moved towards her until he stood really close.

"Red John is mine. I will have his live today and nobody will stand in my way."

The woman wasn't intimidated.

"If you think this is the best you can do then maybe I should show you what will happen."

Jane eyed her suspiciously.

"Show me?"

"Yes

Would you agree to that. I will show you what will happen if you go there today and afterwards you are free to choose your path."

Jane didn't know what to do. He didn't believe in premonitions or in people who claimed to be able to see into the future. He wanted to grab his gun and hunt Red John not discuss his possible future with some stranger who refused to I.D. herself. Strangely it never occurred to him to just shove her out of the way. Or maybe in the light of the other events that where happening it wasn't so strange after all that he wasn't able to ignore her.

"If you must."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everybody. The next chapter is ready. Thank you so much for your kind reviews. Special thanks to Auraya-of-the-White who started betaing my story. I have to admit, she had rather much to do.**

**So I have only one thing left so say: have fun.**

**By the way DISCLAIMER: No they are not mine. No I do not profit from this.**

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Jane was kneeling on the floor, his gun in one hand and the magazine in the other, checking the bullets. He looked up but the woman was nowhere to be seen. It was as if the whole encounter had never happened. He got up and crossed the room. Maybe she was somewhere else in the house. He went through the kitchen, checked the bathroom, but he couldn't find her anywhere.

In the end he decided that it didn't matter. He had other things to worry about, that whether his sub consciousness was playing tricks on him. He left and hurried towards his car. This was one of the few moments where he wished he had a vehicle a little less recognisable.

As he drove onto the highway, his mobile started ringing. Lisbon!

He knew that she would call him soon. When he had snuck out, he had made sure that he didn't cross her path. Over the last year she had become quite perceptive. Nowadays it was almost as if she could read his mind. He, on the other hand, hadn't really improved in deciphering her thoughts. It had always been a challenge to get into her head, but now it seemed to be harder instead of easier. He didn't know what Lisbon would do if she knew that he was already on the move. She would try to stop him! Of that he was certain, but how.

He considered not answering but in the end that would only make her even more suspicious so he picked up his phone.

"Hey."

"Jane! Where are you?"

Lisbon sounded more stressed than annoyed, which was what she wanted to sound like. The minute Rigsby had told her that Jane had left the office to pursue another hint she had started to worry. She didn't call him right away because for one thing, if Jane had a hunch it usually led to the capture of the perp. And despite what everybody including Jane thought, she liked catching the bad guy without any further damage to society. She knew they all thought of her as a "straight by the book" type who hated the consultant's investigative ways. It was true she liked playing by the rules, but as long as nobody got hurt during Jane's strange shortcuts she was fine with it. She was secure enough in her job not to be disturbed by the whispering voice on the hallways who said she didn't solve any case without Jane's help. Of course she didn't. He was part of her team. Why would she solve a case with only part of her team?

So when Rigsby told her he left, she wanted to believe that he was actually helping to solve the case. She didn't want to be overly mistrusting and yet she couldn't shake the feeling that something was very off.

"On my way back." Jane answered, with a light tone.

"Did you find out something useful? We managed to get a list of farm houses, small inns and anything else isolated enough for Red John to feel comfortable. I was hoping you could help us narrow down the list. I will check them all out, but it would be much faster if we could exclude some right away."

"Oh sure. Good work. Yes, I will be at the office in about ten minutes."

"So…"

"So what?"

"What did you find out?"

Jane's mind was busy coming up with an excuse. He hadn't been specific when he had told Rigsby he would follow a lead. He knew that Lisbon would see right through him if he started going into detail. It just didn't make any sense. They had the name of a small town where the newspaper was published, they had the profile of Red John telling them how he would possibly behave like to his neighbours. What they were missing was a contact. Somebody they could actually talk to. The only reason why Jane would have wandered off on his own.

"Jane? Where are you?"

Damn, he had taken too long.

"On my way."

"On your way to where?" Lisbon asked suspiciously, Jane, please don't do this. Let us help. Tell me where he is and we will come and get him. Do you hear me? Don't go there on your own. Jane, Red John is dangerous. Not only do I not want you to kill him, I also don't want you hurt and if you go there without backup…"

"Lisbon! I'll be fine."

Jane ended the call to stop her from saying anything else. `_Well that didn't go particularly well´_ he thought.

He ignored the strange feeling he had now. Over the last year he had told himself that he would one day have to abandon them. On the day he caught Red John, he would have to leave the team behind. Jane thought he had prepared himself for this, but now he had found it rather hard to hang up on Lisbon. He couldn't help but see how much of a disappointment he had been to her. He knew that she had always believed that he would give up on his idea of revenge. He just wasn't that saint she wanted him to be.

Soon after he ended the call he reached the old house. Just as Lisbon had said, it was way off the beaten track. Red John had chosen it because of the quiet neighbourhood. As soon as Jane had heard the name of the city the newspaper was from, he remembered an earlier Red John case. In this case the search for the victim took about three days and concentrated mostly on this particular region. Indeed they found the victim at the next apartment building down the main road. This early on with the Red John cases the police hadn't made the connection and therefore hadn't figured out his MO. So they didn't know to look into bedrooms to find his victims. Instead they started the search at the point of her disappearance. They hadn't been able to link the inhabitants of the farmhouse to the murder but Jane now knew better.

He parked a little further down the driveway and went to the house on foot. Once he reached the building he drew out his gun and released the safety lock. He listened for voices. Non where to be heard. Carefully he circled the house, checking that nobody was outside. He ducked under the windows and carefully avoided making a sound.

It wasn't like he didn't pick up on police habits. He had watched Lisbon and the team a dozen times circling a building. His heart was racing every time he stepped around a corner. By now all his thoughts about Lisbon and whether she would show up or what would happen once he killed the murderer of his family were erased from his mind. He was focused on the task at hand. He would take down the killer with his gun and then he would use a knife from the kitchen of this scum bag to make him bleed to death.

Jane completed his check outside and was about to enter the house when several things happened, almost simultaneously.

A voice, a terrible voice he had heard before said "Well, Mister Jane, I certainly didn't expect you here so soon."

Jane, hearing and recognising the voice, froze for a second, then he turned around, raising his gun to fire.

A shot rang.

Silence filled the small clearing in front of the otherwise tree encircled house.

A man fell.

"You know what? I would have loved to draw this out a little longer. I have dreamed about our encounter many times before. I had always hoped that I would get to kill you very slowly."

He began to walk towards him.

"But then again it doesn't really matter to me as long as you are dead and that I was the one to kill you. I always felt it should be me to end your life. It has a certain poetry about it. I killed you all, your wife, your little daughter, and now you Patrick."

Red John slowly walked towards Jane, cleaning his gun, and not really paying any attention.

So in the end this was what brought Red John down.

His arrogance and overconfidence.

Jane shot him right in the head, although lying on the ground bleeding.

Red John died even before he did. He finally had his revenge.


	3. Chapter 3

"I told you so."

Jane spun around.

Wait–he spun around? He had just died a second ago. Surprised, he took in his surroundings. To his confusion he could see himself lying on the ground, the blood still leaking from his body, his eyes open but blind to the world. He stood next to his corpse and the same woman was with him again.

This time she wore a beautiful black dress made of very heavy fabric. It was long and the corset was fastened with a silky looking cord. On the top it had very delicate and complex embroidery. The thread used was also black with a silvery hint in it. He couldn't make out any straps. Instead, she wore a black, slightly sheer blouse tucked into the corset of the dress so that the only part visible was the one covering her chest, neck and the long sleeves. Her hair, matching her style, was left loose this time. It curled around her shoulders and was long enough to reach her waist. He wasn't quite sure it had been that long the fist time he saw her just a couple of hours ago.

Jane was not sure why he was so focused on these details. Maybe because looking at himself would force him to accept a whole other truth.

He was dead. He knew that. Or at least he thought so. But why the hell was he looking at himself? Besides for the odd fact that he was standing there and also lying on the ground in front of him nothing seemed to have changed. He could still feel the sun on his skin. He could still hear birds in a nearby tree start to sing again. This couldn't be death, right?

"Are you happy now?" she asked him.

Jane didn't really feel fit for a conversation right now. He did not know what to think much less what to do.

"I am dead."

"In every ordinary sense of the word."

"Then why am I standing here talking to you?"

"That is indeed the question." she smiled at him. Here outside in the bright sunlight she looked even more beautiful.

"Why are you wearing that?" Jane asked.

It seemed rather stupid to talk about such a little thing but Jane simply didn't know how to put his other worries into a question. So he started with something insignificant. He felt like if he could occupy his mind with the strangeness of her outfit instead of the fact that he just died, that if he could pretend nothing really happened, he might not lose it.

"It fits the situation." she responded.

"You know what? I have had enough of your cryptic little remarks. Tell me, what the hell is going on here?!" Jane demanded to know.

"And why should I answer your questions if you avoid mine?"

"Fine! What was your question again?" Jane gave in after staring at her for at least half a minute.

"Are you happy now?" she repeated very clearly.

Jane couldn't respond. He knew why she asked. He had finally killed the man who had hurt his family. He had accomplished what he had been aiming for since he had found his wife and daughter dead. So what did he feel now? Relief for one thing. He had made a promise and had always been afraid that he wouldn't be able to keep it. But did he feel better now? Happier? He died! He had told Lisbon that it wouldn't matter whether he survived as long as he could take Red John with him down. But now he wasn't so sure about that anymore. The thought of Lisbon made him realise that he had actually lost something. He liked working there. He had started at the CBI as a means to an end. To be close to anything they might discover that could lead him to Red John. But over time it became more than that. He liked working with the team, catching bad guys.

"It doesn't matter. I caught him that's the only important thing." Jane responded.

"I'm going to interpret this as a no?"

"No you are not. I am happy now. I'm relieved. I kept my promise."

"And you think that's what your wife wanted? Your death?"

Jane didn't respond at first. Of course she would not have wanted him to die and it never had been his intention. It was just the price he had to pay. Another thought occurred to him.

"Can I see them?" he asked, his attention suddenly focused on her.

"I mean, we are dead right? I am obviously dead and you…Are you some kind of angel? Can you bring me to my family?" he was almost pleading now.

She looked at him with sympathy. Then she shook her head.

"No. That is not how it works." He started to protest but she cut him off. "You will see them again. But I cannot get you there."

She smiled slightly. "See, despite what you think, I am not dead. I'm what you could call an Anomaly."

"That's not helpful." Jane responded confused.

"It might not be, but it's the only explanation I can give you. Now pay attention. We are still here because we need to learn something."

"I don't want to learn anything. I want this to be over. There is nothing left in this world I would want to watch or learn about." Jane responded his voice growing harder as he spoke. He was dead now. His existence somehow didn't end as he always thought it would, and even now he was denied his family.

"Are you sure?" the woman asked him very quietly.

At that moment a car came speeding up the driveway. The driver stopped abruptly and left the car in a hurry, the motor still running.

Lisbon.

She stopped dead in her track as she saw the two men on the ground. She swallowed hard, and then hesitantly she came closer. She kneeled at Red John's side and checked his pulse but her eyes stayed fixed on Jane. Her face was a mask bare of any emotions. After a brief moment in which she discovered that the men at her feet were indeed dead, she walked closer to Jane.

It was obvious that he was dead. His skin was turning the unhealthy colour of the dead; the blood had stopped flowing out of the gunshot wound to his chest. But she couldn't believe it. She checked for his pulse, for his breathing. She pressed her hand to his wound as if she could force the blood back inside. She started calling his name without realising that she did. She started CPR in an attempt to bring him back.

"Lisbon." Jane called.

His face was distorted in her pain. He wanted to touch her, calm her down and promise her that everything would be fine. That he was fine. But of course he couldn't.

He turned around to the woman in black.

"Help her! If you are not dead, then she can see you. You have to tell her it's all right. She doesn't have to grieve for me … or blame herself." he added intensely.

The woman just looked at him. She didn't need to tell him that a second ago he was adamant that he wouldn't regret to be dead and now everything changed.

It was not so much that he had forgotten about Lisbon. Just that, when he was alive and kept telling himself that there was nothing left to live for, he had never pictured a broken Teresa Lisbon over his body. He had never really thought about the after-effects of his death. Now while he was forced to see them, he could no longer deny that he cared for her too much, that he didn't want her to suffer as she now did. He could see that tears had started to run down her face as he watched her fruitless attempts to bring him back to life. Her body was shaking with suppressed sobs.

She was only focused on the man lying in front of her so she didn't here someone stepping out of the woods. A woman, dressed like a farmer, but with light and delicate bones. If she had worn a summer's dress she would have looked rather nice. Her face however, was hard and merciless. She looked at the scene in front of her and her eyes found the dead body of Red John. Her expression turned horrified and then murderous. She slowly moved to the open garage at the side of the house.

"Lisbon!" Jane sounded frightened. He had seen the woman.

"Lisbon, c'mon on. You need to get up. Somebody is here. C'mon on you need to secure the premises first." he tried to encourage her.

"Call for help Lisbon. Lisbon!

TERESA, GET OUT OF HERE!" Jane was shouting by now.

He turned around to see the woman approaching Lisbon, a gun in her hand. The agent was oblivious to the world around her. She could only stare at the man in front of her. She couldn't believe he was actually dead. She had made a promise to herself to keep him safe as he couldn't do it on his own. How could she have failed him so horribly? She touched his face with her bloody hands.

Jane was dead! And it was her fault!

Suddenly she felt someone approach her. She looked up and saw the gun pointed at her.

"You killed him!" was the last thing she heard before her world went black.


	4. Chapter 4

**You all have to thank Auraya-of-the-White for this chapter, who is really fast in checking what I wrote.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own nothing.**

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She had been shot. Why the hell hadn't she checked the premises before she … He didn't want to think about that either. The way her small body had shaken when she tried in vain to guide or drag him back to life. The pouring tears she was wasn't even aware of.

Now she was lying on the ground next to him. The shot had shoved her body backwards and she had collapsed just a foot away from his body. Her eyes were closed but the pain she had felt was still visible on her face. The bullet had entered her neck but since Jane couldn't see the bright red blood pulsing out of the wound, somehow the arteries weren't hit.

The woman came closer.

"I hope you die slowly!" she shouted.

"You BITCH! He was … You shot him dead!"

Without releasing her grip on her weapon, the woman kneeled beside Red John. He seemed ordinary now. Just a man, not a monster. He was of average height, neither fat nor muscular nor skinny. His hair was sandy brown or maybe a bit darker. He had no prominent scars. His eyes were of the same colour brown. Nobody would have thought twice if he had helped the nice woman from next door carry her shopping bags back into the house. After all she was beautiful and they had all thought about helping her out one day just so she noticed their existence.

Jane stood between the gun in the woman's hand and Lisbon. As if he could protect her.

"C'mon Rigsby! Cho!" he whispered.

Whether it had been his pleading, or if they had been close by anyway he couldn't tell, but just a second later a CBI SUV rounded the corner.

The woman looked up and immediately started shooting.

"You belong to her! You murderer! You animals!" she screamed.

Both agents were trying to calm her down from the other side of their vehicle. Jane couldn't watch this. They should shoot her and get over here. Lisbon was hurt. Badly wounded. They had to get her an ambulance. It took a while for Cho to realise what must have happened but finally he spotted his boss lying on the ground next to Jane. After seeing Lisbon, he took the screaming woman down. He left Rigsby in charge of her and approached Jane and Lisbon.

Just as Lisbon had, he checked Red John's pulse while passing by and then he came straight to them. He also found Jane dead but his boss was still alive. Her heart rate was unsteady and her breathing had become shallow. The bullet had destroyed her neck muscle but had not exited the body again. This could only mean that …

"Oh no! Rigsby, call an ambulance and back up. Cuff that woman and check the house I need to stay here."

"What is it? Are they ..?"

"She's still alive but the bullet seems to be stuck in her spinal cord. Now go."

Rigsby, who had already called the paramedics as well as cops, left for the house. He couldn't find anybody else in there so he came back outside to see how his boss was doing. He had forced himself to stop thinking about it the minute he saw Lisbon lying there bleeding. He had to secure the house, had to check if there are other accomplices of the serial killer hiding inside. But now he had time to think. Cho had only said that she was still alive. Would that mean that …

When he stepped out the paramedics had already arrived and started to treat Lisbon. Her neck had been stabilised with a brace and a big white bandage was wrapped around the wound. Already he could see the red shining through.

"One of us needs to stay here and coordinate the crime scene unit and transport of the corpses."

"Fine."

They both raised their hand to fight for the right to stay with Lisbon. Rigsby won.

"Call Minelli. And Van Pelt. And her brothers."

"Yes sure. Now leave. No, wait, you call her brothers."

"But?"

"You get to stay with her don't you?"

They continued to argue until the paramedics called to them.

Jane watched what was happening. Then he remembered that there was somebody he could talk to who could actually answer. He turned around looking for this death angel and found her right behind her.

"I want to know what is happening with her." he demanded.

"Yes that would certainly be helpful."

Jane had no time to wonder about this strange comment. She turned around and started walking away from him. He followed.

"Is this really happening?"

"Why should it not?"

"You said you would show me my future. But you didn't show me anything. You let this happen!"

"No. You let this happen. There was no need to go alone. If you had asked your friends for help you would still be alive."

"But this is not the part that bothers me. It doesn't matter that I'm dead. But Lisbon, Teresa should never have been hurt."

"So you regret her getting shot but not you dying."

"No!... Yes! I mean, you're right."

"So tell me. Why did she get shot?"

And with that she walked faster and Jane, who had been stunned into silence by her question, had to run to keep up.

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_Just to make it clear again. What keeps me writhing are YOU. Thank's to all my regular reviewers lgmtreader (aussum review it made my day), Divina Serit (who I knew already and found to be a good writer herself and an interesting person to talk to), Habeous Corpus and Phoenix Wytch._


	5. Chapter 5

_Hey everybody. I am sorry it took me so long to update. I had a rather busy week. It all will get better now ;)_

_It was surprising to me that everybody immediately understood why being paralysed would be such a horrible thing to Lisbon. You are the best._

_Thanks to Divinia Serit how showed me that one of my cryptic little remarks could not really be interpreted correctly. I am going to fix that in upcoming chapters._

_A big thanks of course to all the other reviewers._

**Disclaimer: Surly not mine.**

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"Where are we?" Jane asked.

The world had suddenly shifted around him. Or maybe shifted wasn't the right word. It was as if he had gone through a door. An invisible door. One second ago he was still at the clearing, stumbling after his mysterious Death Angel and the next he was here.

Wherever here was.

The hallway was brightly lit but not by sunshine. The incredibly harsh light of neon lamps made the skin of all the people passing him appear sick and yellowish. Paintings were spread across the otherwise white walls, but if they were meant to brighten up the interior of the hallway, they failed miserably. Although made of bright colours, they made Jane feel even more depressed. The woman didn't need the people clad in white limping around or the visitors with desperate expressions on their faces to tell Jane where he was.

"In the hospital that they brought her to. I thought you might want to know how she's doing?" the lady answered him.

For some strange reason she had changed again. Now she wore a beautiful summer dress. It was yellow with discreet little ornaments on it, swinging lightly around her knees. She was the only one not affected by the bad lighting. In fact it looked like she had brought her own small sun to shine on her. Her hair was loosely pulled back with a wooden clip. She looked ready for a day at the beach.

"Yes."

"I thought so. She arrived here a week ago. She had lost a great amount of blood and they had to …"

"Wait a minute, a week ago?" Jane interrupted her. "You brought me here a week after she got hurt?! I wanted to see how she was doing right away. I wanted …"

He couldn't go on. She watched him patiently, not at all angry that he had been shouting at her.

"I know you did." she responded after a while when it became clear that Jane would not finish his sentence. He watched a group of visitors walk past.

"So, why did you wait?" he demanded to know.

"Because there was nothing then for you to learn and you could have done nothing to help her."

"I could have been there for her." he responded stubborn.

"Been there for her? Honey, you are dead. You are no longer there for anybody." she replied with a merciless sarcasm in her voice.

It was the first time he could feel something like an emotion stirring in his beautiful companion. Up until now she had always been calm no matter what happened. What was he supposed to make of this? Was she angry? And if yes, why and with whom? She couldn't be angry with him. After all she had never met him before so his death shouldn't really touch her. He felt that the answer should have been obvious to him but he just couldn't concentrate. All he could think of was Lisbon. How was she? She didn't die obviously, so everything should be okay, but still …

In that moment Cho rounded the corner. His expression was unreadable as ever. He came without gifts so it probably wasn't the first time he had come to visit Lisbon. Jane followed him down the corridor and then into one of the hospital rooms.

"Hey Lisbon." he greeted her when he entered.

"How are you doing today?" he asked but apparently he didn't expect an answer because he immediately continued:

"I thought we could go out today. The others will come later and we could all have a little picnic in the park. The food can't be so good in here, right?"

Cho sounded overly cheerful and absolutely not Cho like.

Jane was so distracted by this strange person that used to be his friend and co- worker that he didn't look at Lisbon at first. But when Cho stopped rambling for a second he turned to look at her and his heart dropped.

She was as pale as ghost. Her body was hooked up to several machines that monitored her heart rate and god only knows what else. Her arms lay motionless at her side. Jane could see her blue veins shining through her skin. The worst part about her appearance was her eyes. When Cho spoke she looked at him, but there was no sting of recognition, much less joy of seeing him or any kind of reaction to his suggestion.

Cho didn't seem to mind he stood up from the chair he had just sat on half a minute ago and pulled a wheelchair over to her bed.

"C'mon. I'ill help you up."

After he expertly removed some of the cables linking her to the monitors, he pulled away the bed sheets and lifted her out of the bed into the wheelchair. Obviously he had done that before.

When he reached down, Lisbon put an arm around his shoulder, but the gesture was without energy. She rather moved her arm out of his way than actually help him settle her into the wheelchair.

"The weather's nice. You'll like it."

Cho kept talking about work and how Van Pelt and Rigsby were gravitating even closer to each other while he fastened the IV bag on the wheelchair and put a blanket around Lisbon. Finally he wheeled her out of the room and into the elevator.

"Why is she not speaking?" Jane asked after he found his voice again.

"The doctors say that there had been some damage to her larynx as well and that it might be better for her not to speak." the beach-clad lady explained.

"But if you want to know the truth …?" she looked at Jane with a curious expression in her eyes.

"Yes, I want to know."

"She doesn't want to. If she starts speaking, people will expect her to talk about what happened.

To her.

To you.

And she would rather avoid that."

"But .." Jane starts "she can't stay quiet for the rest of her life."

"Of course she won't." the woman smirked.

"She is neither stupid nor a coward. Sooner or later she will stop pretending. But for the moment it is simply easier for her this way. I'm sure you can understand at least that."

Jane is too shaken from the whole encounter to notice her sarcasm.


	6. Chapter 6

Jane was about to ask whether they could follow them down, when he found himself in a new surrounding.

This time she had changed into a black suit with a white blouse underneath. Her hair smoothly pull back in a tight knot at her neck.

"Why do you keep doing that? Can't we just walk out the door like normal people?"

"No we cannot. We aren't normal people. In fact we are not people at all. You are dead, remember? The faster you understand this, the better for all of us."

"I do understand. And I already told you I don't care. I want to know what happened to Lisbon. What is this? Am I in some kind of hell in which I'll always be denied the things I really want? Why did you drag me away from her?"

The woman looked at him intently.

"If this is hell, then it is you who makes it so. I have no intention of torturing you. But isn't it interesting?" she asked.

"What?!" Jane got more and more aggressive.

"That you would define 'what you wanted most' as checking up on your former boss instead of … I don't know…maybe looking for your wife and child?"

Jane looked liked someone had just punched him in the gut. He had never believed that he would ever be able to see them again. But to be honest, he had also never believed that it would be possible to see and watch anybody after death. Before he could get his confused thoughts in any kind of order again, she continued.

"As for your wishes… Well that's why I brought you here. And you will also discover that I did not drag you away from her." she indicated for him to come closer and as he did, Jane started to pay attention to where he had landed.

It was cold and rainy. Now that he noticed the weather, he couldn't understand why he wasn't freezing. He was at a graveyard and as he watched the people standing around the casket. he noticed that it was his funeral that he was attending. He could see his family there, his father and mother who stood under a big black umbrella trying to comfort each other. His mother had trails of tears running down her face while his father just looked so lost, as if he simply couldn't understand what happened. His relationship with his parents hadn't been the best after his wife died. They had loved her, adored her and although Jane knew that they didn't blame him he couldn't stand watching their pain and adding it to his own.

Minelli was there too. He looked completely out of place and glanced down at his watch more than once. He was probably freezing to death too, not that the others weren't, but he simply didn't have that kind of emotional bond to Jane that would allow him to mourn as deeply as them. He was an outsider at this little, quiet party.

Even some of his former 'clients' had come. They stood in the background and formed a much noisier group on their own.

And then there were his friends and co workers. Grace was openly crying and leaning heavily on Rigsby for support. He looked a little distracted by the woman that clung at his side, but never the less, very sorry to have to stand there and say goodbye to the overly annoying consultant. Cho had an umbrella for himself just like Minelli. His face did not reveal what he felt but Jane could see his hands shaking when he pulled out his speech that he had written earlier this day.

Lisbon was closest to the casket. He couldn't tell if she was crying. She sat in her wheelchair in the rain, a bouquet of white lilies in her lap. Her lips were already blue but she didn't care. After a while Grace came to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Lisbon. We should go.

Do you want me to put these on the casket?"

Lisbon waved her off. When Grace hesitated, Lisbon became more forceful.

"I am fine. You go on without me."

With that she started to push her wheelchair forward on her own, although she barely managed to move across the muddy ground.

She waited, close to the casket until all the visitors had left. Only then did she place the flowers on top. She laid her hand against the wood and dropped her head. Her wet hair fell over her eyes and covered her face. He could tell she was crying.

"Lisbon, don't. Please don't cry because of me." Jane had moved closer to her and kneeled beside her now. He wanted to touch her, to brush away her tears. He wanted to pull her to his chest and hold her tight. She was shaking, not only because of the sobs that escaped her throat, but also because she was ice cold. He wanted to rub her back and make her warm again.

But he couldn't, he had no warmth left to share.

And in this very second he realised that he wanted to live. If not for himself, then at least for her.

He wanted her to be happy again. He wanted to see her smile and run and possibly even dance with him. He wanted her back.

As he got closer to her she started to shiver even more.

"Why Jane?! You could have waited. We would have caught him together. And you would still be…" her voice broke.

"I am so sorry Teresa. I never, ever meant to hurt you. Please you have to forget me. You have to leave me behind. I would've only dragged you down with me. You deserve so much more. Please! Teresa! Let go." he whispered trying to persuade her.

As if she had heard him, Lisbon then said:

"I will never forget you.

I love you Patrick. I was just too late."

She looked like she wanted to add something else, but then she removed her hand from the casket and started to wheel herself away.

Jane stood where she had left, unable to move a muscle. He couldn't believe what he had just heard.

While he was still alive there were these moments in which he realised that he liked her very much. In these moments, he was able to picture a future. And although he never wanted to go that far, he had to admit that whenever he imagined this future, it had Lisbon in it. It was in these moments he noticed that she liked him, but he had never imagined her falling for him. Why hadn't she said something?

Jane watched the lonely, freezing form of his former boss reach the asphalt of the pavement. She rolled herself to her new car and got behind the wheel. She folded her chair into the back of the vehicle before driving away.

He almost smiled at the sight. She couldn't have been out of the hospital for more than a few days, but she was already displaying independence and strength.

He should have known. She would have never told him. She had gotten as close as she could during that night when they had almost caught Red John for the first time. But with the way he had been behaving, she couldn't go further. He had been so adamant about getting his revenge, that he hadn't noticed that he held the only person who could have reached him at arm's length. If only he had shown her at least one time that she meant more to him, that his life could be about something other than the hunt for Red John. He now noticed that she had indeed meant more to him.

"We need to go." the lady addressed him quietly.

"I want to see her again." Jane kept staring at the spot where she vanished from sight.

"I can see that. But you need to complete you journey before you can. Before you really can."

He turned around to look at her.

"What's that supposed to mean?

Please just tell me. I'm tired of this. This isn't a game any more. Is all this my fault? Lisbon paralysed and …"

He couldn't finish the sentence.

"Devastated that you left her? Yes I'm afraid it is."

"How can I undo it ?" Jane asked, desperation clearly audible in his voice.

"Undo? I don't think you can. You choose this path although you had been warned several times, from several different sources. And yet you did not pause to reflect upon what had been given to you. You decided to keep going in a direction you recognised as wrong. And don't deny it. You are not stupid. You realised long ago that it was your selfish wish for revenge that led you to that house. It wasn't justice. Justice could have been served another way. ANY other way in fact."

"So then, Lisbon will have to suffer for the rest of her life because of my mistakes?" he was almost crying now too.

"This isn't right. If you are an angel, and God does indeed exist why is he cruel enough to allow this? Why …"

"Honey, what makes you think I am an angel? Or that I was sent by God?

I know nothing of God. I cannot even tell you whether he exists or not. But I strongly believe that if God is real, he does not interfere with the free will of humans. If you decide to act in a certain manner, you will have to bear the consequences. Or in your case, Agent Teresa Lisbon will. From now on, she will suffer from a lack of sensation in her lower abdomen and legs and a broken heart." she told him mercilessly.

Tears were streaming down Jane's face. He was unable to answer.

"We need to go now. Follow me." and with that she turned around and headed for the exit. Jane felt himself get to his feet and follow her mindlessly even though he had no notion of actually deciding to do so. It seemed to be one of her rules. Like 'you cannot be seen or heard by the living,' he had to stay with her. Right now, he couldn't care less if she brought him straight to hell. It didn't matter to him. He only wished he could at least make Lisbon walk again.


End file.
